“What not to do”

Here are some of the “what not to does” on a romance tour.

• Here’s some practical advice: don’t write to too many women before going on the tour. If you do write, make your letter short and don’t invest too much emotional energy into letter writing. I listened to one tour client on a webcast say, “I just had to write the ladies because if I didn’t it felt like I was jumping out of an airplane without a parachute”.  I know guys it is hard not to write the ladies because of the insecurity of the unknown. Believe me! You will have plenty of dates once you are on the tour.

• Do not dismiss a woman who is 15 to 20 years younger than you. The American men seem to have a bigger mental problem with age differences. But outside the US it is normal and socially acceptable for the woman to be 15 to 20 years younger than her husband. So if you find yourself connecting with a younger woman relax you never know she could be the “one.” Don’t let age get in the way of true love!

• Do not let the lady plan the date. It is important for you to be in control of where the date will be and if any friends or family will be present. You do not want to put yourself in a place where you are not comfortable with the surroundings. If she invites many friends or family you could find yourself alone and maybe in an unfamiliar location.

• When you meet the ladies at the socials or on a date be yourself. Your conversations should be natural and not sound like an interview. The purpose of the social is to see if there is chemistry and if you both have some common interest. Treat the ladies with respect. They are there for the same reason you are. Show the woman you are interested in her and allow the conversation to flow naturally. You want to show yourself in best possible light to attract the lady and generate interest in you. Remember it is a two way street. Just because the ladies are single and available doesn't mean you will be successful.

• An interpreter can be a very important tool in getting to know your date and building a solid relationship. But here’s an important tip: only use professional interpreters that you choose.  You may ask why use an interpreter that you choose? If the lady brings a friend to translate, more often than not you will find that you will be the third wheel. Can you really trust her friend to translate what you say properly?

• Do not take the lady you are interested in shopping. Spend your time getting to know her personality, thoughts, and feeling. Take her on a shopping date can cause problems she might get the idea that you are trying to buy her affection, and/or she might expect you to continue giving her many gifts in the future. In addition, you might attract a woman who is only interested in your money and materialistic things.

• Do not be too quick to react negative to something she might have said. Make sure you understood what she was trying to say to you. Many times you will find out that there was miscommunication from the translation between the two languages or cultural differences. You would hate to end a relationship because of a miscommunication. You never know she could have been the “one”.

 

“The Do's” and “Don'ts” Part 2

Last week I began a series on key tips on the basics about what to do and not to do on a tour. Below are more does and next week will be the don’ts.

• Take your time! This will give the women you meet the opportunity to get to know you. This will allow both of you time to develop a solid relationship that will enhance your chances of success. Be careful not to put pressure on a lady, or you’ll come off as being desperate or arrogant. By taking your time, you’ll demonstrate confidence and the lady will feel more comfortable being with you, which will allow for more open communication.
  
  
• When you go on a tour, meet as many ladies as you possibly can - it’s your best opportunity to meet so many beautiful and intelligent women in one place. Don’t loose this opportunity. The more women you meet, the better chance you’ll have to find that elusive chemistry.

• When you invest your time and money to travel on a romance tour, you’re doing it in order to achieve love and happiness. Don’t limit yourself:  be open and relaxed this is an adventure so have fun, go with the flow, and enjoy yourself. This is by far the greatest opportunity you will have of meet intelligent and beautiful women who are interested in meeting you. Chances are you will meet a lady and start a long lasting relationship.

• When you are meeting a lady for the first time, ask them questions to find some common interest in order to generate a conversation. This way you keep the introduction relaxed, and they will feel more comfortable and relaxed talking with you. When you both are comfortable and relaxed it is much easier to get to know each other's opinions and personalities.

• Show the ladies you are confident in your surroundings. Ask the staff for suggestions on great places to take a date, nightclubs, and good restaurants. So when you ask your lady on a date, let her know what you have planned. She will be very surprised and impressed how confident you feel in her city. You will score big points by being assertive!

• When on a date if you want to get a read on how she might feel about you then watch her body language. Pay attention! If your date is playing with her hair, moistening her lips, or looking for an excuse to touch you, this will give you a good idea that she is attracted to you. However, if she has her arms crossed, keeping her distance or not smiling, she most likely is not interested. However, body language isn’t perfect, but it can help to determine weather you want to move forward with the lady.

• When meeting a lady for the first date, remember to relax and have fun. Many men are nervous and overwhelmed at first (me included!) because the ladies are extremely beautiful. Just have the mindset that you have nothing to lose, and remember the women who meet you are as interested in you as you are in them. Staying relaxed will help you be yourself. Be kind and show a sense of humor, listen to the lady, ask questions, and do not be afraid to reveal your true feelings. By being you, you’ll accurately represent who you are, and you’ll have a better chance of finding a compatible, life-long partner.
  
  
• Bring photos! Show her pictures of yourself, friends, family, pets, home, and your hobbies/activities, It will give the lady a better understanding of who you are and what area of the country you live and what the area looks like.

• Be yourself and dress comfortably during most of your trip. Check on what is the typical weather condition for the city you’re traveling to and dress accordingly. Your clothes may be jeans, shorts, trousers and swimsuit. For the socials, dress elegantly; remember you have only one chance to make a good first impression.

• Bring a few gifts for the ladies that you find special. For the most part the ladies can purchase almost anything you could purchase in the states. All ladies like stylish costume jewelry, good quality perfume, or a box of dark chocolate.

“The Do's” and “Don'ts” Part 1

When you are on a romance tour your goal is to present yourself in the finest possible way to have the best opportunity for success in finding that special woman, below are some key tips on the basics about what to do and not to do on a tour. In the next  few weeks I will be going over some the keys tips of the does and don’ts .

  

“What to do”

• First things first! Before embarking on your international romance tour you really need to be mentally prepared.  Have your thoughts and feelings together on critical subjects, like marriage, children, the women’s age range, and other major elements of your life that are important to you. Here’s an example: if you are looking for someone in there mid 30’s, don’t let the lust of a young 20-year-old gorgeous woman distract you. Stay focused, because when you loose focus you’re going to find it very difficult to find success.

• Be honest! If you lie about yourself, you will attract women who you are not compatible with the “real you.” This will really hurt your chances of success. Always express your true feelings about love, relationships, your opinions about movies and music, or whatever subject happens to come up. Honesty will go along way in establishing a strong relationship and can help eliminate communication problems in the future.

• Be confidant in who you are, what you want out of life, what you’re looking for in a woman. Above all, be sincere. If you show confidence you will be very surprised at how many beautiful and sincere women will be attracted to you. When a woman asks you questions, relax and respond naturally. Just know that while you’d like to have a woman in your life – you do not need a woman. If you show you’re desperate to find a wife, women will read this in you and lose interest.
  
  

Remember that meeting women on an international romance tour is no different than you going on a normal date here in the US - except for one big difference: these women are sincere about finding their life partner. Keep your expectations realistic about the women you meet, and search for those qualities that are most important to you.

Risks and Responsibilities

This week I felt it was important to discuss some of the risks and responsibilities associated with using services like A Foreign Affair to find that one special person. Most services will paint the best picture possible when it comes to international dating and meeting via the Internet. However, as with anything, there is always an element of risk involved. Just walking down the street involves a certain amount of risk. Any relationship, domestic or foreign, will have a certain element of risk. This week I would like to discuss some of the risks involved with international relationships, and ways you can minimize those risks.

I would like to preface this by saying that most of you will never experience any of the red flags I will be speaking of below. The majority of women are sincere in their quest for that special someone. However, there are always going to be a very small percentage of people who have a different agenda and are only interested in gaining money or other favors instead of finding someone for a long and lasting relationship. It's a shame we even have to waste our time discussing this but, unfortunately, these types of people have and will always exist. Even though they are few and far between, you should be aware of them and some of the common ploys they may use.

I talked with Ken Agee with A Foreign Affair to go over what are some of the red flags to look out for. Asking for money is by far the biggest red flag: There are a variety of ways this can be done. Below are some of the more common:

1. My mother, brother, father, great uncle, cat or dog, is very sick and needs some kind of operation and/or medicine right away. (plays on your sympathy, kindness, and generosity)

2. I already have a visa and I can come to visit you if you will send me the money for the airline tickets. (Tourist Visas are very difficult to come by, see below)

3. I do not have a visa but if you send me x amount of dollars I can obtain one and then I will pay my own airfare. (Tourist Visas are very difficult to come by, throwing money at it does not make it easier)

4. I only need $50.00 or so a month for an E-mail account so I can write to you. (Sounds innocuous enough, however if 10 to 15 men are sending $50.00 each, that can add up to quite a bit)

5. I need x amount of dollars for English lessons so I can speak with you. (see number 4)

6. I need x amount of dollars to have your letters translated or my letters to you translated. (see number 4)

Again, the above are intended to be red flags only. If the woman you are corresponding with has expressed any of the above to you or something similar, it does not automatically mean there is a problem. Much of this depends on the situation. Have you met her face to face? How long have you known her? Have you met her family? Obviously, the better you know someone the less chance of their being a problem, but it does pay to keep your common sense about you. The safest course of action is to simply never send money to a woman you have not met face to face.

The Visa: It is very difficult for most people, especially younger women who reside in Russia and other CIS countries, to obtain a tourist visa, business visa or most other visas to the US as well as some other countries. Fiancée Visas can be obtained, normally with no problem, however, one of the conditions is that you must have met face to face sometime within the last two years. A tourist Visa is not expensive, less than $100.00, but it is very difficult to obtain. Thus, be very careful of anyone who tells you they can obtain a visa via a third party for a certain amount of money.

Whenever possible travel with a group. It is much riskier travelling half-way around the world to meet just one person than traveling with a group to meet hundreds of different women, including the woman or women you have already been corresponding with. You must keep in mind that things can and often are quite different once you meet in person, regardless of the phone calls and letters. A funny little thing called chemistry takes over and anything can and does happen. When you are with a group tour you are insulated, and even if things do not work out with the woman or women you had been corresponding with you will have support as well as hundreds of other opportunities to meet other women due to all the functions that have been arranged.

Do not try to take shortcuts. Most of the problems we have seen over the years are the result of men trying to go around the “system”, and sending money to women whom they have never met before and know little about. She may tell you that she can fly over and see you the next week once she receives the money. It is tempting, but rarely happens. The prudent thing to do is to go over, preferably with a group tour, and meet her in person and get to know as much about her as possible prior to purchasing any tickets for her or sending any money.

The information in this article is not designed to scare you, it is designed to educate you. As was stated earlier, the vast majority of you will never have this problem; I am only addressing the few cases where the people asking for money or other favors were not legitimate. If you do encounter a problem it will normally be someone playing on your lack of time to travel, your busy schedule, and the part in all of us that desires to take the easy road, such as throwing cash towards a problem as a solution. A Foreign Affair takes a proactive approach so if you ever think there may be a problem with anyone you are in correspondence with on AFA’s website, please check with A Foreign Affair they will look at the woman' s file and let you know if we have had any other such complaints. They are very experienced and understand how such things as the visa process, E-mail and translation accounts, and medical procedures function overseas. Please E-mail them whenever you think there may be a problem and they will, at the very least, give you their opinion as to what we think of the situation. There are no guarantees in life, but that does not mean that you should not be cautious and aware of any potential problems.

A Foreign Affair and I wish all of you the best of luck in finding that one special person, and please do not let a very tiny percentage of “bad apples” interfere with your search for the woman of your dreams.