Risks and Responsibilities

This week I felt it was important to discuss some of the risks and responsibilities associated with using services like A Foreign Affair to find that one special person. Most services will paint the best picture possible when it comes to international dating and meeting via the Internet. However, as with anything, there is always an element of risk involved. Just walking down the street involves a certain amount of risk. Any relationship, domestic or foreign, will have a certain element of risk. This week I would like to discuss some of the risks involved with international relationships, and ways you can minimize those risks.

I would like to preface this by saying that most of you will never experience any of the red flags I will be speaking of below. The majority of women are sincere in their quest for that special someone. However, there are always going to be a very small percentage of people who have a different agenda and are only interested in gaining money or other favors instead of finding someone for a long and lasting relationship. It's a shame we even have to waste our time discussing this but, unfortunately, these types of people have and will always exist. Even though they are few and far between, you should be aware of them and some of the common ploys they may use.

I talked with Ken Agee with A Foreign Affair to go over what are some of the red flags to look out for. Asking for money is by far the biggest red flag: There are a variety of ways this can be done. Below are some of the more common:

1. My mother, brother, father, great uncle, cat or dog, is very sick and needs some kind of operation and/or medicine right away. (plays on your sympathy, kindness, and generosity)

2. I already have a visa and I can come to visit you if you will send me the money for the airline tickets. (Tourist Visas are very difficult to come by, see below)

3. I do not have a visa but if you send me x amount of dollars I can obtain one and then I will pay my own airfare. (Tourist Visas are very difficult to come by, throwing money at it does not make it easier)

4. I only need $50.00 or so a month for an E-mail account so I can write to you. (Sounds innocuous enough, however if 10 to 15 men are sending $50.00 each, that can add up to quite a bit)

5. I need x amount of dollars for English lessons so I can speak with you. (see number 4)

6. I need x amount of dollars to have your letters translated or my letters to you translated. (see number 4)

Again, the above are intended to be red flags only. If the woman you are corresponding with has expressed any of the above to you or something similar, it does not automatically mean there is a problem. Much of this depends on the situation. Have you met her face to face? How long have you known her? Have you met her family? Obviously, the better you know someone the less chance of their being a problem, but it does pay to keep your common sense about you. The safest course of action is to simply never send money to a woman you have not met face to face.

The Visa: It is very difficult for most people, especially younger women who reside in Russia and other CIS countries, to obtain a tourist visa, business visa or most other visas to the US as well as some other countries. Fiancée Visas can be obtained, normally with no problem, however, one of the conditions is that you must have met face to face sometime within the last two years. A tourist Visa is not expensive, less than $100.00, but it is very difficult to obtain. Thus, be very careful of anyone who tells you they can obtain a visa via a third party for a certain amount of money.

Whenever possible travel with a group. It is much riskier travelling half-way around the world to meet just one person than traveling with a group to meet hundreds of different women, including the woman or women you have already been corresponding with. You must keep in mind that things can and often are quite different once you meet in person, regardless of the phone calls and letters. A funny little thing called chemistry takes over and anything can and does happen. When you are with a group tour you are insulated, and even if things do not work out with the woman or women you had been corresponding with you will have support as well as hundreds of other opportunities to meet other women due to all the functions that have been arranged.

Do not try to take shortcuts. Most of the problems we have seen over the years are the result of men trying to go around the “system”, and sending money to women whom they have never met before and know little about. She may tell you that she can fly over and see you the next week once she receives the money. It is tempting, but rarely happens. The prudent thing to do is to go over, preferably with a group tour, and meet her in person and get to know as much about her as possible prior to purchasing any tickets for her or sending any money.

The information in this article is not designed to scare you, it is designed to educate you. As was stated earlier, the vast majority of you will never have this problem; I am only addressing the few cases where the people asking for money or other favors were not legitimate. If you do encounter a problem it will normally be someone playing on your lack of time to travel, your busy schedule, and the part in all of us that desires to take the easy road, such as throwing cash towards a problem as a solution. A Foreign Affair takes a proactive approach so if you ever think there may be a problem with anyone you are in correspondence with on AFA’s website, please check with A Foreign Affair they will look at the woman' s file and let you know if we have had any other such complaints. They are very experienced and understand how such things as the visa process, E-mail and translation accounts, and medical procedures function overseas. Please E-mail them whenever you think there may be a problem and they will, at the very least, give you their opinion as to what we think of the situation. There are no guarantees in life, but that does not mean that you should not be cautious and aware of any potential problems.

A Foreign Affair and I wish all of you the best of luck in finding that one special person, and please do not let a very tiny percentage of “bad apples” interfere with your search for the woman of your dreams.